Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
