I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
