I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
