Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
