I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Duck Duck Cougar?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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