and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
