I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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