I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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