she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
