...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
