Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize