I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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