can we get nightvision for the apartment?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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