you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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