my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize