I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
