It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
