Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You are the jesus of drinking
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
