That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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