i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Randomize
