Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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