Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The feeling are messing with the penis
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
