made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize