I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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