It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
