I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You were trust falling into bushes
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
