I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
