she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
