officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
