I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
