I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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