there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
