Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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