About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
