he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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