You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
