Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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