i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
