I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
