I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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