I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
