You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
