btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
