After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
