when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
