Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
