apparently the secret to your success is patron
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
