I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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