If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
