i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
