What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
