I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
