CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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