My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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