So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
