i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
