there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize