The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Houston, we have a blender
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
