she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
