I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Randomize
