i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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