i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize