my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
