i just wanna soil my oats bro
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
