does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
