The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
