***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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