Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
