It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Sext me about skeletons
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
